Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
