AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
