Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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