..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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