this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Alive.
So much puke
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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