People with herpes should wear stickers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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