Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
