And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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