so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
