you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
