So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
