but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
