Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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