I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
