Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
