this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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