OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
