Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
