So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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