I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
