I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
