The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
