so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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