dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Randomize
