Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.