It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've blown a few things in my day
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.