i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(