Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out