I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar