my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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