I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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