I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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