Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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