well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
