Swine flu. Run for my life!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
