I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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