Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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