meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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