Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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