i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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