My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
