Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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