I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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