I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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