My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
