She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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