i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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