I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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