Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
