My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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