You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
