Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize