She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
