Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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