Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
