are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
as a side note pls kill me
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