Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
