I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
