I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
