how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
