Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
