I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got inside last night via doggy door
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
