Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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