Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
