Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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